this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it because I queefed?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize