Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
is wine microwaveable?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
