foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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