My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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