I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Farmville is her only friend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
