she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
