and my herpes radar will keep us safe
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
