i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
