you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
