Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Your cock deserves a montage
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
