Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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