i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
