u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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