2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
