So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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