I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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