My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
