p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
