those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
