Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
