I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
