you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
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