Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
