Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
