I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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