how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
4 words: hood of his car
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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