Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
