A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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