I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
