Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
