I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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