You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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