If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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