there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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