This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
