yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
