honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
