i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
