i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize