i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
