i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
