apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
