I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
