anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He better not be in your backpack
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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