addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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