I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
