even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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