Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
His nipple licking is glorious
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