census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
