I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
