I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
